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April 22, 2012
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The road I traveled far and wide
carried me over the mountains,
and into the deep waters
on the edges of Earth.

I swear I could have touched
the ripples in the sky beneath
my feet, and every time I tried
to breathe, I suffocated more and more.

Until I touched the soft-soaked
soil, and grasses tickled my toes
that rooted to the ground.
My head turned towards the clouds
and I lay still,

Waiting for that need to quench
my thirst, to gasp in urgency,
to cast away rejection.
But the heavy clouds never
rained, and my body slowly
shriveled and cracked.

Until I became the dust that
fed the insects, and the
spirits residing in me
for centuries had to
find another home.

Melancholy overtook my grove,
and grief spread like a million
lit matches, engulfing the past,
present, and future.

The road I traveled far and wide,
Carried me over the mountains
and between bark-less trees
far from the edges of Earth.
:iconxmimameidx:
Poem 22 for Earth Day~

This is me writing in a new style. This is probably one of few times I've written spiritual stuff. :)
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:iconanukeorsplatter:
~AnukeorSplatter Sep 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, makes me think of a long, distant memory given by someone who has been through a lot.

One thing you could improve on is the flow of the poem. If you read it allowed, or try to break it up in your head, some of the words seem like an odd transition.

Also, this being freeverse, you don't need commas in some places. It's just like a sentence with each line just being a different thought, so, the second line being an example, a comma is not nessecary.

Overall, good poem though. Very dreamy and easy to put yourself into. :)
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:iconultimaodin:
~Ultimaodin Sep 25, 2012  Student Artist
I think you need to spend some more time on your use of syllables in each stanza. The last line in the first stanza for instance is 6, then the second is 10, and the third is 4 etc... This causes each stanza to feel broken from the others.
Poetry is really difficult to write and you have to pay a great deal of attention to the structure of the piece.
The relation of first with last stanza is nice.
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:iconsnow3500:
~Snow3500 May 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh hey, me like this~ :heart: :D
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:iconxmimameidx:
~xMimameidx May 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! :)
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